It’s been a year since I looked into my dogs eyes and said goodbye. You see, Brandy was no ordinary dog. I suppose anyone who has ever companioned a dog would most likely say the same thing. Anyone who has ever been blessed with an animal(s) understands that they become a very big part of your family; enriching lives.
Brandy was the only constant in my life for a very long time.
I was also in a relationship that was the most toxic thing I had ever been in. I didn’t know it at the time; I thought she was my salvation. Brandy came into my life in the middle of all this turmoil.
I saved her from the local animals shelter, and it turned out, she helped me save myself.
I was one of the people who chose to run from their life instead of face it. It seemed the easiest. Not better, just easier to conform. In fact, running only made it worse, but when one is in the middle of a marathon, one doesn’t stop to analyze anything.
When Brandy passed, I finally stopped running and moved from South Carolina to California and started to face what was my life. My running had taken a toll on both of us, and the emotional damage had left us both with scars that were a long time healing. But, she never left me, she never gave up on me, she never stopped loving me.
I was with the love of my life, and she was in an environment that was safe and secure.
The morning I put her to sleep, my heart was broken. I knew I was losing the sweet soul who was sent to save me. I know she was in my life to help me, to protect me from me. I knew at that moment that my life would never, ever be the same. I knew I would have to face life’s challenges on my own, without my Brandy there.
I always knew the day would come when I would have to do this. I thought I was prepared.
No one can ever be prepared.
No one can ever be prepared.
I had to be strong, brave and grounded enough to face what was coming my way. I think Brandy knew that too.
There has been the loss of friends and family as I sort through my life and slowly get the negative, toxic things and people away from me.
Through all of my growth and all of my challenges of the past year, I have missed my girl Brandy more than I ever imagined I would. And it’s not the sort of pain that getting another dog would ever ease, so there will never be another dog. I miss my Brandy. I miss her sweet soul and I miss her spirit that filled my heart.
She was a sweet, sweet soul who blessed my life with unconditional love that only comes from a dog whose mission in life is simply to please.
When Brandy was alive, she showed me what love is.
The pain of missing Brandy keeps me aware of what’s important and what isn’t. Brandy was so good at sorting out the good and the bad. She would simply growl at the people she felt were not worthy.
If only it was that simple...
It’s been a year, but it still feels like yesterday….and I am still sleeping to dream about her……jI still need a little lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night…
The Beauty of Death
Part One - The Calling
Let me sleep, for my soul is intoxicated with love and
Let me rest, for my spirit has had its bounty of days and nights;
Light the candles and burn the incense around my bed, and
Scatter leaves of jasmine and roses over my body;
Embalm my hair with frankincense and sprinkle my feet with perfume,
And read what the hand of Death has written on my forehead.
Let me rest in the arms of Slumber, for my open eyes are tired;
Let the silver-stringed lyre quiver and soothe my spirit;
Weave from the harp and lute a veil around my withering heart.
Sing of the past as you behold the dawn of hope in my eyes, for
It's magic meaning is a soft bed upon which my heart rests.
Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers
Raise their crowns to greet the dawn.
Look at the bride of Death standing like a column of light
Between my bed and the infinite;
Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of
Her white wings.
Come close and bid me farewell; touch my eyes with smiling lips.
Let the children grasp my hands with soft and rosy fingers;
Let the ages place their veined hands upon my head and bless me;
Let the virgins come close and see the shadow of God in my eyes,
And hear the echo of His will racing with my breath.
Part Two - The Ascending
I have passed a mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the
Firmament of complete and unbound freedom;
I am far, far away, my companions, and the clouds are
Hiding the hills from my eyes.
The valleys are becoming flooded with an ocean of silence, and the
Hands of oblivion are engulfing the roads and the houses;
The prairies and fields are disappearing behind a white specter
That looks like the spring cloud, yellow as the candlelight
And red as the twilight.
The songs of the waves and the hymns of the streams
Are scattered, and the voices of the throngs reduced to silence;
And I can hear naught but the music of Eternity
In exact harmony with the spirit's desires.
I am cloaked in full whiteness;
I am in comfort; I am in peace.
Part Three - The Remains
Unwrap me from this white linen shroud and clothe me
With leaves of jasmine and lilies;
Take my body from the ivory casket and let it rest
Upon pillows of orange blossoms.
Lament me not, but sing songs of youth and joy;
Shed not tears upon me, but sing of harvest and the winepress;
Utter no sigh of agony, but draw upon my face with your
Finger the symbol of Love and Joy.
Disturb not the air's tranquility with chanting and requiems,
But let your hearts sing with me the song of Eternal Life;
Mourn me not with apparel of black,
But dress in color and rejoice with me;
Talk not of my departure with sighs in your hearts; close
Your eyes and you will see me with you forevermore.
Place me upon clusters of leaves and
Carry my upon your friendly shoulders and
Walk slowly to the deserted forest.
Take me not to the crowded burying ground lest my slumber
Be disrupted by the rattling of bones and skulls.
Carry me to the cypress woods and dig my grave where violets
And poppies grow not in the other's shadow;
Let my grave be deep so that the flood will not
Carry my bones to the open valley;
Let my grace be wide, so that the twilight shadows
Will come and sit by me.
Take from me all earthly raiment and place me deep in my
Mother Earth; and place me with care upon my mother's breast.
Cover me with soft earth, and let each handful be mixed
With seeds of jasmine, lilies and myrtle; and when they
Grow above me, and thrive on my body's element they will
Breathe the fragrance of my heart into space;
And reveal even to the sun the secret of my peace;
And sail with the breeze and comfort the wayfarer.
Leave me then, friends - leave me and depart on mute feet,
As the silence walks in the deserted valley;
Leave me to God and disperse yourselves slowly, as the almond
And apple blossoms disperse under the vibration of Nisan's breeze.
Go back to the joy of your dwellings and you will find there
That which Death cannot remove from you and me.
Leave with place, for what you see here is far away in meaning
From the earthly world.
Leave me.
By: Kahlil Gibran
We can't know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom
in the warmth of sunlight's kiss upon its face.
Before it folds its fragrance in
and bids the world good-night to rest its beauty in a gentler place.
But we can know that nothing that is ever loved is ever really lost,
and no one who has ever really touched a heart can really pass away
because some beauty lingers on in each memory of which they've
been a part.
By: Ellen Brenneman
Brandy gifted me with her heart, and now I have become as generous and loving as she was.
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How beautifully touching.
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