Having a crappy christmas seems to be in the air.
My best friends baby girl(CaCera) was hit and killed by a car on christmas eve and his baby boy(Benny) and his sister were viciously attacked by a german shepherd-pitbull mix in Sacramento.
It's been a little over a year since my girl Brandy was put to rest, and it hasn't gotten any better. It seems like it gets worst at times. It hits be like a ton of bricks, and consumes me, and I break down, but then there are other times that I find myself laughing out loud.
Funny thing, I've always been terrified of roller coasters, and have been wanting to get over the fear by getting on one....and now I'm on an emotional roller coaster -and I want off!
Funny thing, I've always been terrified of roller coasters, and have been wanting to get over the fear by getting on one....and now I'm on an emotional roller coaster -and I want off!
I miss her so much, it's difficult to explain in words.
She WAS my soulmate....everything I could have ever asked for....at least I had the chance to experience that in my life...I get sad when I think of all the times, I didn't respect that...and there were times in the beginning...and there were things i could have done differently...I suppose everyone goes through this...it's helped me understand my parents alot better, and why they did the things they did....it's just life...and hopefullly we learn something from it...I did.
She WAS my soulmate....everything I could have ever asked for....at least I had the chance to experience that in my life...I get sad when I think of all the times, I didn't respect that...and there were times in the beginning...and there were things i could have done differently...I suppose everyone goes through this...it's helped me understand my parents alot better, and why they did the things they did....it's just life...and hopefullly we learn something from it...I did.
My friend Rich buried CaCera in Sacramento and Benny will be recovering from his attack for a few weeks.
It's times like these that make me wonder what purpose could there be in this? I know there is purpose in everything...but to find it...that's the big question....could there ever be purpose in it? I dunno.
I too am saddened and heartbroken....
...and when she shall die, take her and cut her out in little stars, and she will make the face of heaven so fine....that all the world will be in love with night...and pay no worship to the garish sun....
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HI, Was sad to read your blog. Ihope the rest of your Solstice will bring you joy and happiness :)
ReplyDeleteI know what it is like to lose a vrey loved pet. In summer of 2004, a lovely Saturday, I --as usual--took my Sophie out to the park for a walk, Sophie was this truly lovely Yorkshire terrier. I would often call her Sophia.
She could be nervous outside, so I would sometimes put her on a lead near boistrous dogs. Anyway so we get to the park, and it is sunny. We go into these gardens and I sit on a bench, and I am talking to her a bit and we are both lovin the walk and the day...and then we continue on walk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
When we approach this little bridge over the brook, I see a man and a playful large black dog pass, going the way me and Sophie are going to go. Knowing Sophie and dogs, I pause and ask her to stay thinking that he and his dog will be long gone.
So then after a while we continue, Sophie off the lead, free, and we enter this really lovely little part of this lane which has a feel of Narnia about it. I remember that JUST before we were to leave this enclosed wood, Sophie seemed to suddenly pause as if to beckon me to put her on the lead. I didn't!
As we exit the little wood that man and the dog have not walked on like I thought but are playing by side of the borrk, and when the big playful dog spots Sophie, jumps at her and this totally freaks her out and she runs for home. Home is on the other side of a very busy and dangerous road which surrounds the park. So I am running after her as she is heading for where we cross the road---to cut a long sad storuy short, she eventually finds the road, wont obey me calling out for her to 'STAY', and I hear this crash, fear the worst, move round this bend and there is my beautiful Sophie lying in the road. She had been killed outright. At LEAST she wasn't in bits. But I was in utter agony. I picked her up and amazingly the traffic had stopped in a queue, and weeping uncontrollably I carried her home. Two kind women who had stopped the traffic, offered me a lift to the vet, because wishful thinking had me thinking she was still alive.
I HOWLED later with the pain of the sudden loss. It is indescribable. ...But later we found this dog/bitch --a Bolognese--who had been mistrweated, and she is now my new darling, Cindy. So I really recommend you think about getting anothetr pet. You never forget them, and often I will call Cindy Sophie, but they all have their own little character, and they are SO easy to love lol
Peace
Thank you muzuzuzus for sharing your sad but heartfelt tale of loss.I'm glan you found Cinddy. I do have a second dog, Benny, who was attacked by a big dog on Christmas day. Fortunately he is recovering well. I still miss my baby girl, but I try to give all the love I would have given to CaCera to Benny now, so he gets a double dose.
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