I Have Lymphoma

Someone recently asked me how I felt about being diagnosed with lymphoma. I told them it felt like I had been dropped in the middle of the sea with no lifejacket, no boat - no equipment to help me. I didn’t have time to think about how I was going to get to the other side, I just had to deal with it. I knew that thinking ‘Why me?’ wouldn’t help; I had to stay strong and focus on myself in order to get to the other side.

I had to rise up.

I had been traveling around the states the last few years and ended up here in Yuba City. 

I was not going through the best time and was feeling ill quite regularly. I thought it could be depression because of things that were going on at the time. I decided to see a specialist since I have been dealing with an immune system deficiency problem for over 30 years and thought it might have something to do with it.  I had been feeling exhausted a lot of the time and often had these strange dizzy spells.

I found a lump on my neck and was initially told it could be Tuberculosis or Lymphoma and was told I would need to have a biopsy to make a determination.  Then I got a phone call from my doctor informing me that the initial test were coming in negative for cancer, which was good, but he would need to send the node to Stanford for more test.

One week later it was diagnosed with significant traces of Hodgkin’s “like” cells; it WAS Lymphoma. I was told that I have a rare case of Lymphoma and that it is treatable, however there are variables to consider such as age, t-cells, health etc… that the majority of people come through this well.

I will be seeking treatment in Reno, Nevada and am relocating there in a few days.  This cancer scare isn’t new to me. I have been dealing with health issues for years; colon cancer, anal cancer, both of which I had tumors removed.

I still don’t know how I feel about this recent diagnosis of lymphoma, but having been dealing with cancer for years; I feel strong that I can fight it.

Having said that, naturally there is always part of me that is looking over my shoulder.

But no matter what happens, I must rise up.

I’m broken down and tired of living life on a merry-go-round and you can't find the fighter but I see it in you so we gonna walk it out and move mountains.

And I'll rise up, I'll rise like the day.  I'll rise up, I'll rise unafraid. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again, and I'll rise up, high like the waves.  I'll rise up, In spite of the ache.  I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again.

When the silence isn't quiet and it feels like it's getting hard to breathe….I know I feel like dying but I promise I'll take the world to it's feet and move mountains.

Bring it to it's feet and move mountains.

I will rise
I will rise